I’ve been bugged by this question about silahhturrahim for over a year now … and ever since I’ve practice “change your thoughts and you will change your world” …. my world has indeed changed. For the better or worse, only God knows.

For all the good intention that people have in advising me on silahturrahim, I’m afraid my heart has not moved an inch from my decision.

Today, I found another reason for holding on to my belief and decision.

Jazakallahu khairan ….A big THANK You,… to Allah’s servant who has counselled me and help to explain that my decision is indeed not wrong.

This is the question I posed :
“in the case of associating with the in-laws, is it ok if I choose not to adhere to social practice and pressure? If being isolated brings peace to myself and family … is it alright to continue doing so despite social pressure, expectations and people’s comment?”

This is the answer I received:
“Yes! It’s perfectly okay. In-laws, friends, whatever ties. The word silaturrahmi has been misconstrued because people equate it to physical ties – as in you have to show up and meet physically, be nice physically, do this do that physically. That is to me so wrong and has gone off even the literal meaning of the word itself.

Silaturrahmi > to connect with love, compassion, etc. It’s about how you connect with them from your heart, doesn’t matter remotely or in person. If connecting in person only brings pain or hurt and even more pain or hurt for example, then that is not silaturrahmi but silatu-sakithati or silatumakanhati. Hehehe. More than often, if you agree, not meeting someone/certain people with “different frequency energy” is better both for us and for them. Kadang2 kan bila dekat bau tayi, bila jauh bau jadi wangi. So jauh2 lagi bagus. Dalam jauh, we send only good thoughts, loving thoughts. Ni baru betul namanya silatu-al-rahmi = connecting with love, in spirit, not necessarily in physic. But this comes with a consequence like you said. So it all depends on which consequence are you more willing to tolerate with. E.g. Nak live with di kata orang, versus ikut kata orang sambil makan hati. For me, i can tolerate dikata orang. Sebab kata je pe. The worst ends in words. What people think of you won’t destroy you. Makan hati berulam jantung would. So I agree so much with choosing to make peace with yourself first. ”

Wise words to my ears indeed.

Keeping this conversation here as a reminder to me.
I need to keep reminding myself that my intentions are the ones I should keep in checked and scrutinise often. My deeds should not harm others and that include my tongue, my eyes, my ears etc.



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