To be or not to be …

Today’s the day my middle daughter went off for her school trip to Vietnam. Woke up 4.45 am and was at the airport by 6.30 am. The house will be a bit quiet with one less person in it huhu ….

Ramadhan is almost upon us …. soon….about 16 days more to go!

I’m a bit anxious … I’ve no idea why this year I’m more anxious facing Ramadhan. Will it be better than the last? Will I be able to do more of what I hope to do?

I could not care less of facing Hari Raya (Eid) … I mean its a day of joy …. of celebration for the completion of fasting in Ramadhan but I do not care to celebrate it and busy myself with thinking of the Eid goodies nor planning whose house to visit. I’m leaving these to whatever comes along. It’s secondary matters to me.

Except for the process of cleaning up the house which has already started here and there …. still a lot more to do but I’m not worried about that though. I shall just do what I can. The plan is to wash and hang back all the curtains, wash the sejadahs few days before fasting begins and normal routine cleaning as and when possible.

This year will also be the 2nd year I’m celebrating the month of Ramadhan slightly different from past years. This year one of the Ramadhan nights will also be part of pre-Eid celebrations. I have already plan the date for my immediate and close extended familiies to have iftar at our abode and on that night, the children will receive their Eid gifts earlier.

Why do I choose to give the Eid gifts in Ramadhan for my closest kins and not in Syawal? Well, thanks to the sermon given by Ustadh Kazim last year which encouraged us to give “duit raya” during the fasting month instead of raya itself. He said the act of giving in Ramadhan weighs more and we should take advantage of it. It made sense to me since for quite a number of years I have been wanting to change the way Eid is being celebrated here.

When I told my sisters of my plan, I received mix views. My eldest sister supported my idea and said it was a smart one but my 3rd sister did not agree …. as for my 2nd sister she chose not to comment 😉

Well, to each his own I would say. This is something I believe in doing and it makes me happy to do so and with that I shall do as I plan.

Life is such …. there are moments in our life we have to decide, “to be or not to be” ….. and it’s naturally alright to agree to disagree on certain things.

More than all of these …. what I hope to achieve is steadfast and inner peace of the heart. I have my trials and my tests … I just hope I could go through these in ways that will bring me closer to the Almighty but I believe with the mountains full of sins that I am carrying, its going to be a rough and tough road cos I keep on stumbling, falling, rolling backwards and sinking.

To be or not to be …… My life, my breath, my soul and heart is in Your Hands Ya Rabb! I seek Only Your Protection, Your Forgiveness, Your Guidance and Your Blessings!

Aamiin….

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