The day I lost my pillar…

Last Thursday, I attended a one-day course entitled ‘Making things happen’. It’s a course that if one puts efforts to the principles being taught, one could change for the better.

Admittedly, all things change  sooner or later …be it people, wealth, health and/or surroundings. In fact, change is the only thing that is constant in life.

The question to ask is/are the changes positive ones? What do I derive from the change? What do people around us derive from it?

This reminded me of how I started to change from a bookworm and an anti-social person to someone who is more of an extrovert.

At the age of 18….my world was secure and safe, well I thought that was so cos my mother was there. She was the pillar of our family. She was my pillar and I was sure she will be around for a long long time. Alas! That was an illusion 😦

The year I turn 18, I was told my mother had cancer of the pancreas, last stage and only has 6 mths to live. Hearing that was devastating to me ….I remember how I cried so much while on my way home from the hospital, that I almost had an accident.

Losing her 6 mths later, I was like a lost lamb….I maintained my composure during the funeral BUT after that the days were a blur (crying so very often) and  no idea how to go on with my life … it was a while before I finally stop being sad and began reflecting on my life …. That was a first step to my change.

I learnt to become more independent and that as I move on with my life, I began to realise that I can’t rely on others not even my own sisters.  Without my mother who was my pillar of strength, the solace of my pains, the unlimited boost to love and security …. I had to grow up fast and seek what I need on my own.

Alhamdulillah, the road was made easy when I was given friends and religious teacher who gave their support and encouragement as much as I need at that time.  These people, I will never forget them and till now my heart is in love with them (even though most of us are not in touch anymore due to our different path n life).

Above all, I am thankful that Allah s.w.t. has never left me.   His presence has always been felt and known.  Alhamdulillah indeed!

Back to the course, what I learn is that most of us has an illusion, believing that we are in control of our life …. When in reality  that thinking just make us go into a trap …. The ‘Will Power Trap’.

Most of us believe that with will power alone, we can change and then, we will find ourselves in a situation whereby the change that we want to happen either did not happen or did not last long.

Well this course teach me that will power is important but to make it work, we need to understand the 6 source of  influence in life and make the influences work for us instead of against us.  When the influences work for us, will power will be better equip to handle the change that we want to have.

What are the six source of influence?  Here it is …

Six Sources of Influence

ONE – Personal motivation … Whether you want to do it (how much you want it)

TWO – Personal ability … Whether you can do it (what skill you need)

THREE – Social motivation … Does other people around you  encourage the right behavior

FOUR – Social ability … Does other people around you provide help, information or skills

FIVE – Structural motivation … Does your environment encourage the right behavior

SIX – Structural ability … Does your environment supports the right behavior

To read more regarding these and the examples of these sources, do read more at

One key point of this course that fascinate me is that it  teach you to become a scientist and investigate, scrutinise, and dissect the subject … that is ME (our own self)

Yes, we are told to become the scientist and find out all about ourselves …. And to me this is indeed a powerful skill for to be able to do this will open up a lot of knowledge and truth about our own self that we never know before.

So for a start … it will be good to do any changes that we want in small and manageable way.  Start small and when the success of change  becomes a reality, slowly move on to a much bigger quest for change.

For those who would like to read more on this topic, here’s a link that might help.


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