Motherhood ….

The topic at the office these days has been centered on child-bearing and parenting …. a subject which is close to my heart. Thanks to a colleague of mine who has realise that her biological clock is ticking away fast.  She has this deep desire to be a mother … with or without a husband.

All said and done … it’s what most women would like to experience … this thing called motherhood!

As for me …. I used to feel that way when I was in my twenties … I envisioned being a mother to four children and how fun it is to take care of them … hahahaa but reality is not always fun isn’t it?

Now in the forties … motherhood to me is a BIG RESPONSIBILITY which at times I feel I am unable to carry or do well.  It seems the only constant thing in life is change and motherhood, its perspectives also change as the child grows.

When my children was in my tummy, I suffered … yes I really really suffered throughout the pregnancies …. from the time I discovered I was pregnant to the time of birth, I had to go through all day sickness (I don’t call it morning sickness cos it occurred throughout the day!) …. vomitting became the norm for me …. no appetite to eat.  Then came second trimester … less vomiting but I had to suffer heartburn … painful ones which can be quite unbearable.  The heartburn lasts till I gave birth.

Yet, I did enjoyed my pregnancies during the last of the second trimester and during the third trimester.  I loved the feel of the baby kicking inside me …. somehow it made me feel protective.  That’s motherhood I suppose.

After birth, came the hassle of changing diapers, feeding every 3 hours and the realisation that your time was not your own anymore …. the little one was now in charge … their command must be heed …  😉

Lack of sleep made my low blood pressure condition worst …. still upon reflection their childhood days were still not too bad.  I could cope with it.

Then came the start of school … this was the moment and still the moment I feel most stress …. ensuring they could read and write, ensuring they behave well in school …. suddenly the whole thing about motherhood is changing again….. still no time to call your own but more and more responsibility to carry.

The mother now has more than double her duties … She’s the wife, the cook, the cleaner, the tutor, the disciplinary, the adviser, the financier, the problem solver and the list goes on and on.

Till now these duties are still on my shoulders and I do admit there are more times now that I feel tired of holding these duties.

Reaching teenage years is a mother’s nightmare … well at least to me.  For it seems that whatever that has been taught when they were young now dissappear without a trace.

The little angels (well not all the times) … who always answered nicely to my calls, now answered in a quick and brusque way …. it seems that the way they talk are all the same …irregardless of parents or friends …..main pukul rata jer, tak kira kawan atau orang tua … 😦

Teaching them to wear the hijab has been easy when they are young …. with so many years of training you would think they would finally be comfortable and accepted it whole-heartedly … but that’s not the case these days …. I see them wearing it only for certain occasion and I feel sad.  I(t’s like all my efforts has gone to waste.  I feel like a failure.

Even their solat …. they are times if I’m not around, they would skip on it.

Something is definitely wrong … not with them but with me …. maybe I did not teach them right, did not show enough good example.

This …. this is what I called the dilemma of parenting.  When you think you are doing ok, suddenly your kids shows otherwise.  Who’s to blame? The children or the parents?

I can’t keep using the cane nor can I be too soft on them ….So what’s the solution?

It really boggles the mind …. I know they are not bad … really my kids can be good when they want to be but I wish they would keep improving to be better instead of making me worry as I look at them these days.

I feel powerless as a mother sometimes …. wish I know what had gone wrong.

In this aspect, I am reminded that wealth and children are nothing but trials in this life.  So perhaps these are my trials and I have to learn to cope.  Maybe my parenting style is wrong and maybe it’s not …. and so I acknowledge that motherhood, is never easy, the role and challenges are always changing and that I do not hold the keys to my children heart.  Instead, my heart and their hearts, the holder of the key is You, Ya Rabb!

So despite all that I am feelings, I am going to continue to seek You, seek Your help cos ONLY YOU holds the key to our hearts …. only YOU can propel us all to change for the better.  ONLY YOU can answer the prayers of this mother who needs Your boosters to asssist her in accepting and handling whatever changes and challenges facing her right now, tomorrow and beyond.

Motherhood …. its indeed special but sometimes it can be the biggest challenge of your life.

I don’t celebrate mother’s day … to me it’s all commercial driven …. still to those who do celebrate, here’s an advance wish ….

Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

I think the best present for any mother’s is to see their child happy, healthy and good, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Ok here’s some quotes on motherhood …. thanks to those who did these for I enjoyed reading them  🙂

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mother-quote

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