This is the conversation which I had with my youngest daughter just days ago. I’m just writing it down here to remind myself that as a parent, I must also work hard and be reminded how my children need guidance regardless of their age.
That particular night, she was having tuition and I received a call from her tutor with a feedback that she misbehaved, being lazy and un-cooperative.
I thanked the tutor and told her I will have a conversation with my youngest.
Ok this behaviour is nothing new to me … in fact I have been advising and even scolding her but to no avail. These behaviours occurred since late last year. I do not know or understand why the change but it could be she herself is changing due to many factors such as influence from the peers, from her own self, maybe there are issues that she’s not telling me etc.
Anyway, once I reached home that night, I called her to me and asked her to explain to me what happened. She told me but the way she spoke was downright rude. I was angry and did not like it!
I could choose to react negatively and show her my anger 100% but I took lots of deep breaths and told myself silently that I have to communicate with her in a manner that can be receptive to her.
So I told her to sit up straight and listen … just listen to what I was about to say.
This is what I told her :
“Your future lies in your hand. How bright it’s gonna be will rely on how well you do academically, with good characters and social ethics.
Your father and I are working hard to provide for our family, to ensure you have the tools and means to be successful. Hiring a tutor for you is one of them. But whether you succeed or not is totally in your hand. Whatever tools or means that we provide for you, if you do not appreciate and recognise it and take advantage of it, then all will go down the drain.
Whether you passed or failed, the one that’s affected is You, Not me, Nor your father nor your tutor. It is You. Because what you do right now will define how your future will be. Remember life is a mixture of hardwork, lots of supplication and adorning yourself with good characters.
If you want a bright future, you have to start now and keep working hard.
Do you see trees outside? (She nods)
You know some trees bear fruits right? (Again she nods, and by this time, I could see that she’s listening hard)
Ok think for a minute … do you want to be a tree that is tall, big and bear sweet juicy fruits or do you want to be trees that is frail and barren?
You are now like a sapling … a young tree trying to grow. Your environment, the people around you are like the oxygen, sunlight and minerals that you need.
To ensure you get the best, you have to learn to select and derive the best air condition, mineral and sunlight.
I have place you and given you the tools to do so and if you don’t recognise them and take advantage of them, then you are harming yourself.
If you want to hav e a good job and life in the future, you have to start working for it from now.
Always be positive and make efforts even if you don’t see the results fast. Keep trying till you reach your goal. Being lazy, being argumentative, being stubborn and thinking you’re always in the right will only slow your progress and not only that but will hamper your relationship with friends and other people around you.
Do you want to be a tree that bear sweet juicy fruits? That benefits not only yourself but others? (She nods and look solemn)
Then have a goal in mind, be reminded of that goal constantly and change bad attitude with good ones. Be hardworking, keep striving not just academicially but in social behaviours as well.
Do you think you can do better next tution class? (She said I will ….)
I smiled and hugs her ….
Ok good, remember not just in tution class but in school and at home as well alright?”
The end of the conversation ….. and the next day, she was my sweet little girl again, that is until the next time she misbehaves and requires another pep talk … reminder talk …. which reminds me that we, as humans are forgetful creatures actually, even I, need to be reminded constantly … hehee